Convincing Myself That I Am Safe
Dispatches from a Daniel fast
Since my teen years, I have periodically experienced times of Intense anxiety with overwhelming fear. I now know why and what is going on. Something triggers me and my amygdala, the brain’s smoke detector, responds by going into hyper-vigilance mode. I like to describe it as an amygdala hijack, a term I read in a book about overcoming anxiety.
I experienced an amygdala hijack recently. A book I recently read triggered intense feelings of fear. I realized what was going on and used tapping, emotional freedom technique, to calm my brain. I also used deep breathing and meditation. For two nights in a row, I slept for only three or four hours. But I slept.
In the past, when I experienced an amygdala hijack I would be sleepless for a few nights. Tapping, deep breathing, and meditation not only allowed me to get some sleep but took me out of the hijack much quicker. After two nights of not much sleep, I slept for six hours straight and woke up without intense anxiety and fear.
Week one of my Daniel fast
This is week one of 21 days of prayer and fasting at my church. This is week one of a Daniel fast. This is a time when I am going deeper in God. The week before I started this time of prayer and fasting, I entered into the deepest level of healing from child sexual abuse that I have ever experienced. While tapping, deep-seated childhood fears arose. It became clear that a part of me was frozen in time and waited for my uncle to come back from the dead and abuse me. I started focusing on feeling safe, of convincing that part of me that I am safe.
I know it is not a coincidence that an amygdala hijack occurred right before I enter this time of prayer and fasting. My spirit knows that changes are about to come inside of me which will lead to external changes. As humans, we gravitate to what is familiar even if the familiar is negative. The only reason that I could keep going during that time of intense healing is that I have a morning routine of journaling, tapping, meditation, prayer, devotional reading, and Bible study. Doing all of those things every morning prepares me for healing.
Deliverance began with prayer
On Tuesday night of this week, on day two of this Daniel fast, I went to a prophetic evangelism class at my church. During the class, I received prayer and was given prophetic words that I know are from God because the people giving them to me did not know my circumstances or struggles. Back at home, I realized something profound occurred in me as they prayed. Much fear lifted. Discouragement took a hike. Days later, I find that my irritability is less.
As I stood in the shower this morning, it occurred to me that I have never been able to just stand by myself and be content. I always had to keep my mind active and focused on something. As I showered, I just let myself be. My heart raced. It felt unnatural to not let my mind go a mile a minute. I felt emotionally naked. By the end of the shower, I knew that something big happened. Because people prayed for me and spoke over me what God spoke to them about me, I am free in a way I have never been before.
God can do it for you
If you are a fellow trauma survivor, please, know that what God did for me He can do for you. Come up with a morning routine that helps rewire your brain. Read through my previous articles to find out more about rewiring your brain. Find a bedtime routine that calms you. The reason why I recommend morning and bedtime routines is that they prepare you to receive deliverance. Most importantly, believe that deliverance will come.
If you need prayer, then let me know in the comments section. I will pray for you.
